You're a Mosmordre!
by NerdGirl95
Summary: "Something was wrong. Very wrong. Prongs had been all smiley and bouncy and happy for weeks now, and I had no idea why." Sirius is left to babysit Harry and decides to tell him the story of how he found out about Lily and James. But of course it's Sirius and he can't get through even that simple conversation without saying something stupid...Written for the Quidditch League Round 8


**Written for the Quidditch League Round 8: Write fluff (Keeper - use Mosmordre)**

**Written for the We're In a Relationship Competition - James/Lily tell Sirius**

**You're a Mosmordre!**

"Now, remember he goes to bed a seven, and his food is in the fridge, you just need to heat it and I left his pyjamas on his change table and –"

"Seriously Lily, you need to stop worrying. For starters, this isn't the first time I've babysat Harry. And secondly, I have a kid of my own. Remember, your Goddaughter?"

"Oh right, sorry. It's just, in these times, you know…"

"Yeah I know. Now you two go have fun."

"Thanks Padfoot. Bye Harry!"

"Say bye to Mummy and Daddy."

"'ye Mumma, 'ye Dadda"

"So Harry-kins, what do you want to do tonight?"

"Mewwie!"

"Sorry Pup, but Mellie has a cold so she couldn't come. It's just you and me tonight…Oh, don't look so sad, I'm not so bad. Hey I know, how would you like a story?"

"Stowy!"

"Ok, I'll take that as a yes. Now, what story do you want to hear?"

"Mumma?"

"One about Mummy? Ok, let me think…Ok, got it!"

Something was wrong. Very wrong. Prongs had been all smiley and bouncy and _happy_ for weeks now, and I had no idea why. Now, don't get me wrong, it isn't unusual for Prongs to be happy, but usually there is a good, solid reason for him to bounce around like a five-year-old on a sugar-high. That's usually my job. But for the past couple of weeks James had been even more hyperactive than I am, and that's a little worrying.

Remus and Peter didn't seem too worried, which also struck me as odd. Moony is a born worrier, and Wormtail generally freaks out if one of us starts acting differently, but neither of them so much as batted an eyelid when Prongs suddenly started beaming at everyone and couldn't stay in one place for more than five minutes.

And that was another thing – all of his unexplained disappearances. We'd be sitting in the Common Room or planning a prank in our dorm when suddenly he'd jump up, exclaim he's late and run out the door. Now, at first I thought it was just Head's business. I mean, I know that the job is demanding, but I'd noticed that he'll tell me when he has a Head's meeting or patrols. So what in the name of Merlin's left sock could he possibly be doing that he didn't want to tell me?

After two weeks I had decided that drastic times call for drastic measures – I needed some serious backup. I finally had Wormtail and Moony on my side, despite their pleas of "honestly Padfoot, it isn't that serious. Why don't you just ask him?" and "really Padfoot, I thought you were smart enough to figure this out on your own." Well no, obviously not, thanks guys. But seeings as they didn't seem extremely willing, I thought I should recruit some extra help. And that's how I ended up standing at the bottom of the staircase to the girl's dorms yelling for my girlfriend.

_"Marly! Oh Maaaaarrrrly!"_

_"What do you want now you mangy mutt?"_

_"Ouch Marls, that hurt. Anyway, do you know what's up with Prongs?"_

_"With James? No sorry, I didn't realise there was something up with James."_

_"How in the name of Merlin could you not notice? He's been bouncing around the castle like a child who's gotten into Dumbledore's secret sweet stash."_

_"Dumbledore has a secret sweet stash?"_

_"Yes, but that isn't the point here. The point is that something is terribly wrong with James, because he's all happy and I don't know why!"_

_"Hmm, I can see how that is distressing. How could James possibly be happy without your help?"_

_"Exactly! I knew I was dating you for a reason Marls."_

_"Letting that slide…"_

_"So are you sure you haven't noticed anything weird about James?"_

_"Other than normal? No. I've been too busy trying to figure out what's up with Lily."_

_"Wait wait wait. You mean Lily is acting weird too?"_

_"Yeah, all bouncy and smiley and…oh Merlin! How on earth did I not think of that?!"_

_"Think of what? Marlene! Stop laughing! Marly!"_

_"Hey Padfoot, Marly. Umm, why is Marlene laughing like that?"_

_"I don't know! I was asking her if she knew why you were acting weird and then she said that Lily was too and then she said how did she not think of that and then she started laughing and won't stop!"_

_"Ah. I was wondering when this would come up. Well, we had a good run right Lily?"_

_"If you could call it that. I told you it wouldn't work you know, our friends are just too nosy."_

_"What wouldn't work? What are you guys on about?!"_

_"Umm Padfoot, well, you know what I've been trying to do for the past seven years…"_

_"Your hair doesn't look flat to me Prongs"_

_"No! Something else. More important."_

_"You're still wearing glasses"_

_"Here, let me handle this. Marly, you know what I'm always complaining about?"_

_"Snape? Transfiguration? Slughorn's parties? Petunia?"_

_"No Marls, it's – "_

_"Oh wait, I know! How the boys can't get into the girl's dorms!"_

_"No! You know Marly, it's the –"_

_"Wait wait wait. You complained about that?! I knew there was more to you than meets the eye Lils"_

_"Oh stop smirking James, it wasn't like that. I just thought it was extremely sexist."_

_"Suuuuuure"_

_"I did!"_

_"Hold on just one moment! Lily, since when did you call him James?"_

_"And Prongs, I thought she hexed you every time you called her Lils?"_

_"That's what we've been trying to tell you! We're dating!"_

_"…"_

_"…"_

_"Uh, guys?"_

_"You didn't tell us?"_

_"Well, we wanted a couple of weeks to figure it out, you know, without any pressure. Because once you guys knew, then the whole castle would. It's impossible for Sirius to keep a secret."_

_"Hey! But Remus and Peter knew."_

_"They weren't meant to. I guess they somehow figured it out, but you too are so wrapped up in each other…"_

_"Look guys, we didn't mean to keep you out of the loop. You guys were going to be the first ones we told, I promise."_

_"Hmm. Well, I guess I can forgive you this once."_

_"Well I don't! You broke the marauder code! You're a, a, __**Mosmordre!**__"_

_"Umm, did you just call me a Dark Mark?"_

_"No, of course not! I called you a Mosmordre! Duh James."_

_"But that's the spell…"_

_"Sirius, did you just call James a mother killer?!"_

_"Yup"_

_"Umm, why?"_

_"Not sure, it was the first foreign word I could come up with."_

_"Hang on, mother killer?"_

_"Yeah, mosmordre is the Norwegian word for mother killer."_

_"Uh Lils, why on earth do you know that?"_

_"I have a thing about the meanings and roots of spells. So when there's one I don't know, I look it up. Especially the Dark ones."_

_"That's…weird"_

_"But cute. What? I'm allowed to call my girlfriend cute you know."_

_"Eww, that's going to take some getting used to."_

_"Yeah, I agree. Want to go do something else?"_

_"Well, if it's anything like what those two are doing, I'm in."_

And that, young Harry, is how your Aunt Marly and I found out that your parents were going out. And how we all discovered both my lack of talent with languages and your mother's brilliance in the area."

"Mumma."

"Yes, your Mumma. Who will hex me if she knew you were up this late. Come on Pup, let's get you to bed.

**A/N. Well, that just took on a life of it's own! For the record, according to Harry Potter Wikia, Mosmordre actually does mean "mother killer" in Norwegian. Weird. NG**


End file.
